Water Over Coffee

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?” 

- David Foster Wallace, This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life

I start all my mornings the same way. Coffee with soy milk and brown sugar, water on the side. They complement each other pretty well. One keeps me awake and jittery and the other keeps me cool and calm. It's perhaps the only thing I know how to balance. But what do I know? Hell, sometimes I put too much sugar in my coffee or forget to refill my water bottle. And I hate the dilly-dally of wasting time. The hours rush by oh-too quickly. The past increases, and the future recedes. Possibilities decreasing, and regrets mounting. But I think I like my regrets more than I enjoy having possibilities. Having too many is a cancer. Too many scenarios to play out, variables to a consider, and people to care about. The more I think about them, the more they multiply, and there's no way to stop them. I'm out of control. 

So here I am, caught in a nasty revolving door of unending options reminiscing the days when things were simple and you were always right decision.  Yet, I still feel you in my bones every now and then - like this morning when I took my last swig of coffee, a swell of sweetness with a bitter aftertaste that takes too long to fade. At least I have water to wash it down.